Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
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