Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
