Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
