Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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