you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
