I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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