and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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