If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
