you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
she pinky promised me she was 18
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
