You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
