there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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