Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
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