by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
