New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
