Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
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