I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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