she was so not down for the gang bang
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
