I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
