How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
