dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
