Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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