How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
