so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
how do flat chested girls get laid?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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