I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I want her autograph on my taint
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
