So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
