Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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