onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
