hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Im part way to drunk.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
