You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
