but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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