I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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