I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
