So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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