My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
