drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
