no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
