Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
