I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
