You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Randomize
