I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
