batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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