can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
