Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
