Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize