i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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