He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
