oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
