My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
