now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
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