Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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